[He had been looking, looking everywhere. But no matter where he had gone, where he had looked, Lan Wangji was nowhere to be found. He knew what it meant, he knew... he had already seen it with Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng....
It had taken everything in him not to break down, and he wasn't sure he wasn't on the verge of it. The hole in his heart was large than he could fathom.
When he heard Sizhui's voice he didn't quite register at first, but finally replied back.]
Come in.
[He didn't try to get up or pretend. He still laid on his bed, their bed, holding onto blankets that smelled of sandalwood, of Lan Wangji.]
[And it was silly to be so upset. Jiang Yanli was different. She was dead... Lan Wangji was alive and well back home. And... if he himself had gone and come back, there's no reason for Lan Wangji not to do the same.
[ Oh, no, it's different. Senior Wei completely and unquestionably makes Hanguang-jun happy, without the shadow of a doubt. So he is the furthest thing from useless.
Sizhui knows it. It is truth. ]
I will only go to visit Zewu-jun tomorrow, but other than that, I will not be going anywhere much.
Of course, Senior Wei. I just... wanted to remind you. That even if he's not here right now, what you share will not be broken. And that even so, you are not alone.
[ He hesitates, then reaches to squeeze the back of Senior Wei's hand. ]
And do not let your chroma reserves deplete, please.
[ Then he cups his hands, and rises. ]
I will leave you to rest, then. I will call you for dinner.
[He does manage a small smile. Sizhui, Sizhui was so good. A good boy to be proud of.]
I should be alright, I will be careful with what I do.
[It was true, he would have to be mindful of his levels now.]
Thank you.
[He felt a little guilty, there were so many things he had wanted to do, but, they would all have to wait for a while. His heart just wasn't in it right now. But, he was glad he wasn't alone and he had someone who could help remind him of that.]
[ No need for guilt. Sizhui doesn't feel there is any need for thanks, but, in a small, selfish fit, he admits that it feels nice to receive them anyway, and so he doesn't deflect them.
He'll show himself out quietly and close the door behind him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It had taken everything in him not to break down, and he wasn't sure he wasn't on the verge of it. The hole in his heart was large than he could fathom.
When he heard Sizhui's voice he didn't quite register at first, but finally replied back.]
Come in.
[He didn't try to get up or pretend. He still laid on his bed, their bed, holding onto blankets that smelled of sandalwood, of Lan Wangji.]
no subject
He chased the traces of Jingyi's scent for long enough, after he disappeared, to recognize it.
So instead of reaching to hold him, he settles on his knees next to the bed, not touching or disturbing what matters. ]
He will probably come back, Senior Wei. And either way... he will wait for you when you return.
[ His voice is barely audible, but at least it's steady. Mostly. ]
no subject
[And it was silly to be so upset. Jiang Yanli was different. She was dead... Lan Wangji was alive and well back home. And... if he himself had gone and come back, there's no reason for Lan Wangji not to do the same.
But, for the moment, it still felt so raw.]
This world is really cruel.
no subject
It is very kind in some ways. But in others... [ He swallows. ] Can I do something to help, Senior Wei?
no subject
I don't know.
[He really didn't. Part of him just wanted to be alone. But, he didn't want to just push everyone away. Sizhui would be hurting as well.
But he was still useless. Like he was then....]
But... thank you. Knowing that you are here is helpful.
no subject
[ Oh, no, it's different. Senior Wei completely and unquestionably makes Hanguang-jun happy, without the shadow of a doubt. So he is the furthest thing from useless.
Sizhui knows it. It is truth. ]
I will only go to visit Zewu-jun tomorrow, but other than that, I will not be going anywhere much.
no subject
[Though he knows it's not just him. They had gone through a lot of pain, hadn't they? Losing people, multiple times....
He just needed time to rebalance. To gather himself together.]
Lan Zhan would not want me to mope too much....
[Especially since he was not dead.]
I just need a little while....
no subject
[ He hesitates, then reaches to squeeze the back of Senior Wei's hand. ]
And do not let your chroma reserves deplete, please.
[ Then he cups his hands, and rises. ]
I will leave you to rest, then. I will call you for dinner.
no subject
I should be alright, I will be careful with what I do.
[It was true, he would have to be mindful of his levels now.]
Thank you.
[He felt a little guilty, there were so many things he had wanted to do, but, they would all have to wait for a while. His heart just wasn't in it right now. But, he was glad he wasn't alone and he had someone who could help remind him of that.]
no subject
[ No need for guilt. Sizhui doesn't feel there is any need for thanks, but, in a small, selfish fit, he admits that it feels nice to receive them anyway, and so he doesn't deflect them.
He'll show himself out quietly and close the door behind him. ]